When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.
Rumi

rambling on Oprah

Not that I have anything against Oprah, but sometime she can be so ….i don’t know, unaware? is that the word I want? Anyway, Last night was a rerun of a show with the author of Beautiful boy and his son. During the interview the son said more than once that he had been ashamed of his behavior and his addiction. He was ashamed of many of the things he did during the time he was so deep into the drugs and alcohol. He knew that he was hurting his family but the shame and the addiction were so strong that he couldn’t stop.
So, then O asks him, If you knew you were hurting the people that loved you, why did you keep doing it? I am thinking really? O, did you not notice that one, he is young man still hurting. Two, he is an addict. Three, he was very deep in shame and Four, he is an ADDICT. I do not know the reason behind all the shame and his need to numb himself but, i do know that there is no easy way out.
Something that you would think she would understand. Hey, O, if you know that the food you consume causes you to gain weight and make you feel bad, why don’t you just control the intake.
Seriously, if it was that simple-"Hey, this is making me and everyone around me feel like shit-I guess I will just stop drinking, snorting coke, overeating, gambling, and obsessing"-we wouldn't need all the rehab centers and twelve step programs.
It was really amazing that she asked such questions.
Anyway, enough rambling about something I have no control over.

I understand that Oprah may have just made a mistake, but i felt really sad for the young man. He already was feeling so guilty and ashamed, i didn't see the need to make him feel worse. I am sure that was not the intention.

inspire me thusday-warrior

So, i looked at all the photos i have for this. But, then i thought why not just write something. (cuz, i am a visual person that's why)
I guess i could do one w.out a photo.

Warrior

Since i have been reading the book mentioned in the last post there have been a million thoughts going through my head. Some good, some not so good. I guess you have to feel it all to make headway-just a little bit hard to look at yourself this way.
I would say that in order to live authentically you have to become a warrior of sorts. There are going to be people blocking you and not accepting your changes. They may like that they can bully you, shame you, or reside with you in the misery. You will have to fight against yourself, which i know is not an easy battle.
If the plan is to move forward, fight the urge to stay the same and understand what you need and how to get it. It will take courage, and you will have to become a champion for your cause, these are the traits of a warrior.
Easy to talk about and hard to do. But, if we can releast that inner warrior the battle should be a little less scary.

ok- so i couldn't not add a picture.

in the yard

i have been reading this blog and Brene Brown's book, I thought it was just me.

Man is it perfect. I thought i knew a lot about shame and the hold it has on us, but this book is so amazing. It really isn't just me.

I do feel bad about some of the things i do in order to hide the shame or to shame others. This book is really helping to understand and then to become "shame resilient". A long way to go, but admitting you have a problem is the first step!!!! right?

Anyway, i highly recommend this book and her web site- ordinary courage I do not have the link set up sorry. I will try to remember how to do that tomorrow.

Thank you Brene!

the babysitter.
(everyone gets one free animal post-right?)

inspire me thursday-petals

yellow orange and bright
falling slowly like the rain

quiet petals land

She knew she was right